Tuesday, November 25, 2008

sometimes I just want to lay my head down and cry.

When I was young all I could think about was having a husband, children..... It all seemed so simple so perfect in my mind. my children growing up so fast before my eyes... days flying by, my life as well and find the hardest part of being a mom is the guilt. Guilt of not spending enough time with each of them, working with my youngest instead of trying to find a place in the house where she is not....not taking them places, not buying them stuff...yelling to much, not talking enough....man it never ends.
I see comments...wonderful comments about how people adore their children their lives and I can't help but wonder is it all just for show. How do they have it right and all I feel is fustrated and tired.
I feel a never ending battle with getting my house clean its like its alive and as soon as I see the floor.....kaboom another mess.
I have been a mom for 18 years and a wife for 16...when will I figure it out???
Where and when did I sign up for the kaos?
Did my mom feel this way?
Did I tell her I appreciated her for all she did...god I hope so.

deep breath

I just want calm, boring, happy for a bit...can I please have that just for a few days please???!!

I am so afraid I will wake up one day, my kids all moved out and thinking I should have...

I know I am too blessed to be stressed but I think way too much worry far to much and just love and appreciate too little.

1 comment:

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

I think we all feel this way dear friend. We can not be all things to all people all the time. We need to take care of ourselves. We try to do our best, forgive ourselves when we fail and pray that God covers over our mistakes.
I feel like I am sinking far more often than not. Feel that I am failing them all and at everything. My house is never clean, I yell at my kids, sometimes I don't even like them all that much.
Some days are wonderful and I then feel like writing and telling all about it. Most are a struggle and instead of blogging, I just want to pull the covers over my head.
You are so not alone! Love you dear friend and I am only a phone call away. Just tell me to shut up and listen, and I will.