Monday, April 28, 2008

I once was lost...

Not found yet but working on it.

I have been away from writting as so much has happened and seems so hard to keep on top of things.
A wonderful thing has happened,my son has moved back.
He has spoke about coming home for about a week, tired of living where he was and the kaos that lived there.
Everything came to a header when I received a phone call from the parent that owed the house. She informed me my son was in trouble and he was taken away in handcuffs.
By the end of the conversation she hung up on me. I guess she didn't like what I said to her and what i thought of her. I really don't know if he did what they accused him of, I so need to believe he didn't. There has been no more evidence, so no charges will be pressed. I pray he is telling us the truth.
My heart is still having issues, letting me get close to him, trying to be a mom.
Last night he came in about 1 am and started to talk to me. He had gone out after work and was happy from partying. I still can't wrap my head around my baby drinking, yet I was young too when my friends and I did it.
It is scary what are kids are faced with now. He spoke for some time telling me about drugs and what was out there. About the time someone slipped something in his drink and he was out for a full day.He seems so educated in the bad of the world and I am so iggnorant.
I totally understand one day all my children will move away, it just wasn't his time when he did.
Little sis is in heaven that her big brother is home. She can't wait till he's awake to go bug him.
Today what I saw brought a smile to my face as the sun was out and all my kids were outside playing in the yard. With them came their friends so how i missed that :)

Life has been so hectic these past few weeks, my cleaning of the basement has left me fustrated and overwhelmed more then once...where did I get soooo much crap!!! Hours and hours I have spent down in clutter hell. It will get done one day soon.
I miss my friends and know I need to step away from everything and do some catch up.

well that is all for writting is poor right now and I'm tired
good night

Friday, April 11, 2008

Friday -again

man where does the week go?
I am doing everything in my power not to do
I have house work and a sale tomorrow, should be going through bins and I'm not
just don't want to do it, last sale I backed out at the last min....motivation where are you?

So much as happened this week, guess that's why people post daily to prevent a massive all over the place post.

I am still working on me, loosing the weight, getting healthy physically and emotionally. I know I didn't get here over night , it takes time.
I stepped on the scale this morning...I am down another pound, 8 lbs lost in 2 weeks total of 21 far to go yet but getting there.
Funny thing is some how I got this impression in my head I would look different, I don't, just a bit smaller...I need to get that flabby butt going to the gym to hopefully tighten things and reshape. I will start putting away for my tuck and lift fund....I want the extra skin GONE!

Before I get off the computer....I want to thank my TWO readers lol.who always support and comment on my blog. I love you both!! I do read your blogs frequently, I just suck on commenting and so appreciate you still leaving comments for me. I am here and supporting you too!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

socially retarded

I really think I am. I have such a hard time saying the right thing anymore, being supportive when I should, letting people in.
My biggest fears are loosing those I love or being hurt by them. I have had several friends that I grew up with hurt me the most, even to this day I feel like our friendships mean nothing.
I am torn between walking away yet the one friend always seems to understand some of the wacky things that go through my head. Yet I go out of my way to make sure I can attend every birthday party and family event...yet three times in one month she has let me down.
I always seeked female friends as eventhough I have a sister we are like night and day and her support for me just never was.It always about her and is often always all negative.
I am doing my best not to get like that, and set an example for my kids.
I love so dearly the new friendships I have made in the past few years and hope to do my best when they need me.